Hi Lea,

Thanks for your question. It can be really bewildering to know where to start, can’t it?

I would think the first port of call is your boyfriend. Have you discussed this with him and told him that you have been researching and reading about Christianity? If he is a school chaplain, he should be able to get you started in the right direction.

Perhaps also you can get him to take you along to whatever church he goes to. Most churches around run an “Introducing God” or “Alpha” or some similar course to teach people the basics about Christianity. These can be great value and a very relaxed, non-threatening way to find out a bit more.

As well as this I would strongly suggest you start reading the Bible itself. It’s not really meant to be read cover to cover like a novel so don’t start at the beginning. The easiest place to start is with one of the four biographies of Jesus’ life (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John). They are about two-thirds of the way through. Look them up in the index if you can’t find them. You might like to sit down with your boyfriend at some stage and read some with him. At least then you can ask questions about stuff you don’t get. And trust me - he would love to.

The first thing anyone investigating Christianity needs to know is that at its heart Christianity is about Jesus Christ, and whether you trust him or not. The Bible records how mankind has turned our back on God and hasn’t wanted to know anything about him. You mentioned your own “heart… that is all wrong”. What you are feeling there is exactly that - we have all turned away from God, our hearts lead us away. The Bible says “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). But God didn’t want to leave us like that, so he sent his Son (Jesus) both to show us who God is and to pay the penalty for the wrong things we have done by dying in our place on a cross. He brings us back to God. God raised him from the dead to prove that Jesus really was his Son, and that he really did win salvation for us. Because of what Jesus has done, all you have to do to be right with God is trust that he has done it. You don’t have to try harder, or do good stuff, or anything like that. It’s about trusting that Jesus brings you back to God. If you believe that, then that’s what makes you a Christian.

After one of Jesus’ good friend’s dies, the biography of John tells us that Jesus goes to see his tomb. His sister was there mourning and its interesting to see what Jesus said to her:

Jesus said, “Your brother will rise again.”
And Martha said to him, “I know he will rise on the last day in the resurrection.”
So Jesus replied, “I am the resurrection and the life, if anyone believes in me then he will live, even though he dies. Do you believe this Martha?”

That’s the question he asks of all of us. Do you believe this? (The whole story is in John Chapter 11, you might like to look at it.) Please do talk to your boyfriend, if you haven’t already, and continue to think about these things. God isn’t passive in all of this either. You can ask him to help you to understand, and he will. I will be praying for you also.